Pony Stories 58

13 Dec

Been thinking again about the weird time-placement of these again. I write stuff about the stories pretty much right after I finish the story, often in a notebook. If in a notebook I get around to typing up a bunch of them a few days later. Then, even more days later, I’ll copy-paste it over to post it on my blog. The post scheduled to go live anywhere from one day to a week in the future. Just weird where I might us present-tense when it’s written up to a week ago, and actually up for people reading a week in the future. Anyway, another chunk of pony stories that I’m putting up pretty much right after the last post, but I like to have all my posts be at the same time each day to spread them out.

A Meeting by Moonlight by Jordan179

Short little story. Interesting though, a story about the dream of spaceflight does as pony fanfic. Has a follow-up story that I plan on reading next that involves exploring reincarnation.

Feeling Adrift by Jordan179

Another short one. The follow-up to the previous story. This one wanders here and there, dabbling in fairly high-concept stuff, but in the end comes right back down to more normal things. Interesting stuff, though not sure how much worldbuilding ideas I can get out of it. The really high-concept stuff is always tricky like that.

A Song of Storms: Of Skies Long Forgotten by The 24th Pegasus

This one is a prequel in the same MLP universe as Where Loyalities Lie, and it is quite good. A few nitpicks, but overall it was an excellent read. It didn’t have many MLP elements in it, yet it didn’t feel like original fiction. I think making it far in the past and matching up the pegasi with the roman empire was a good choice. Yet, it didn’t do a good job using the pegasi. All the battle scenes were pretty much just standard battle scenes. The fighting descriptions were pretty much what you would have if all the people were land-bound humans instead of flying ponies. It’s really hard to see a pegasus using a sword and constant references to ground and terrain kept pulling me a bit out of immersion. Both of the previous violence-filled stories I’ve read, The Immortal Game and Fallout: Equestria, did a much better job at this. Though for Fallout Equestria it was made easy because guns are easier to picture ponies using. The Immortal Game did a good job with this, having unicorns do most of the fighting, but even the other types of ponies got described well. Applejack using just great strength and heavy armor without needing weapons, Rainbow Dash just using speed and flying and hooves, that sort of thing. A few other minor quibbles about writing techniques aside, this was a good read. Think it will be sliding into my personal headcanon with a few alterations. Certainly is going to be a foundation for my version of the pegasi culture pre-Equestria unless something much better comes along.

Alcohol’s Effect On Friendship by Akumokagetsu

Oh man, this was a horribly offensive story. Funny in a very over-the-top way. Clashes horribly with the show of course, abusive language all over. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone because there really isn’t anything worth reading in here, but I would have to admit it was funny to read. Basically, if you can get offended at things, or you have good taste, you shouldn’t read this, but if you do read it you might find parts of it funny.

A Song of Storms: Snow and Shadows by The 24th Pegasus

This is the sequel to Of Skies Long Forgotten. It isn’t quite as good, though that might be just because it is twice as long. It seems long and drags in places. The author still has trouble with pacing. The fight scenes still drag. By the end of the story I was pretty much just skimming the combat scenes and finding out that even just skipping them isn’t really missing anything. Pretty sure I figured out what the author needs to fix too. The sentences in the battle scenes are all too long. Often several commas worth of run-on sentence to describe a whole chain of connected moves between opponents. I have this problem myself sometime, so this has motivated me to be better at that in my own writing. This story is a alternate take on the Hearth’s Warming Eve history in the show and it has some cool ideas, but the pacing just kills a lot of the excitement. Plus I would have changed the order of events around a bit. Still, it is a good story that only has a few flaws. Some of the same that showed up in the previous work. Never really thought of the characters as ponies. The combat moves are all pretty much just humanoid stuff with the occasional wing or magic tossed in.

Also, the other thing that was present in the last story but is even more obvious here is that the combat scenes are all based on what would look cool visually. Like the author’s main goal is to replicated cool action scenes from movies in text format. Which just doesn’t work, since it is a different format. Fight scenes in movies are coregraphed to look nice in a visual format, not what is actually effective. So fights in a text story need to be told to flow nicely in text. What we have in this story is the worst of both worlds. Plus, the main character’s fighting abilities are pretty much plot-dependent, so there was never really any feeling for how good any of the characters were at fighting except we are told a few times by the author. The story also involves flashbacks between present day and the past, with most of the story told in the past. It doesn’t really work. If you took out all the present day bits it would lose nothing and gain a bit of pacing fixes. They just make the story grind to a halt with no real connection to the events in the far past. I would say this is a good author still working through their first million words before they have figured out all the tricky bits of writing.

Still, lots of good parts. I really liked the idea of the crystal ponies of being barbarians in the pre-Equestria days. Might have to add that to my personal headcanon. Though most of that is based on modern day ponies and it wouldn’t come up much. Except maybe there might still be a few tribes of crystal ponies seperate from the Crystal Empire. More fun stuff to add into the rpg sourcebook. Have to get back to working on that.

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Posted by on December 13, 2013 in Books 2013, Ponies, Reviews


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