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Random event: Fallout Equestria sillyness

11 Aug

Today’s fanfic review post has been pushed to tomorrow to make room for this silly and probably pointless bit of amusement. Do you want to know about Fallout: Equestria, but don’t want to read three-quarters of a million words? Look no further. Here, in a single post, is everything you need to understand the beginning of one of the major sub-genres of pony fan fiction.

And now PresentPerfect presents, Fallout: Equestria, the Abridged Version:

Grey. Nothingness! Daylight. Stupid! Alive! “Hello!” Her! Blood. Clouds. Fireworks. “Gone.” Breakfast. Home. Explosions! Rest. Manehattan. Answers. Hope. Addiction. Failure. Dragon! Industry. “Curiosity.” Death. Alone. Zebras. Family. Rage. “Fuck.” Virtues. Memory. “Well?” Rain. Darkness. “Heroes…” BLAM! Finally! Enough. Souls. Loss. Madness. “You.” “…Rocks.” Faith. Sacrifice.

And now, as a follow-up, PresentPerfect’s review of it, the abridged version:

Introduction: “And Then Kkat Said ‘Friendship Is Grimdark, Bitches’ and Half a Million Words Happened in Her Horn”

Prologue: “In Case You Forgot This Was Based on a Video Game”

Chapter 1: “I’m the Only Raging Lesbian in Stable 2… Wait, No, Nevermind”
Enjoy level: “Laughing at you, not with you.”

Chapter 2: “Welcome to EquestriSHITSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHITSHIT”
Current enjoy level: Watching a Michael Bay film.

Chapter 3: “DO YOU EVEN WATCH THE SHOW?”
Current enjoy level: Zombie Derpy, wtf?

Chapter 4: “No, Seriously, That Was Fucking Zombie Derpy in the Last Chapter. What in the Actual Fuck?”
Current enjoy levels: Definite enjoy.

Chapter 5: “Welcome to Stable 63!”
Current enjoy level: Definite enjoy despite lack of explosions.

Chapter 6: “Planes, Trains, and Actually Just Trains. And LSD.”
Current enjoy level: Sorry, I can’t hear you over “Raise This Barn”.

Chapter 7: “In Which We Are Reminded of the Plot (Hurr Hurr)”
Current enjoy levels: Send it to the moooooooooonah!

Chapter 8: “In Which Horn Rape Is an Option”
Current enjoy levels: What in the fuck is going on.

Chapter 9: “It was a bludd spring daty & the clouds was up”
Current enjoy level: Mrehhh…

Chapter 10: “No Good Deed Goes Unpunished”
Current enjoy levels: Like being dragged along behind a horse cart.

Chapter 11: “Diamond Tiara’s Final Fuck You… Never. ENDS.”
Current enjoy level: Oh gee, it might be coming back.

Chapter 12: “Boota Boota, Calamity?”
Current enjoy levels: My enjoy for this chapter kinda petered out near the end somehow.

Chapter 13: “It Even Comes With a Garage Where You Can Store All Your Blinged-Out Cars”
Current enjoy level: Ministry of Awesome

Chapter 14: “Just Say HELL FUCKING YES to Drugs”
Current enjoy levels: Liking this for all the wrong reasons.

Chapter 15: “Dude Looks Like a Robot”
Current enjoy levels: So good, I forgot to add this part in, I guess!

Chapter 16: “Last of the Shit Chapters”
Current enjoy level: GEE DO YOU THINK IT MAYBE JUST GOT GOOD?

Chapter 17: “The One Where It Gets Good”
Current enjoy levels: Actually really looking forward to the next chapter, believe it or not.

Chapter 18: “Lesbian Sexual Tension”
Current enjoy levels: Every time it gets good, dumb shit happens.

Chapter 19: “Buy My Little Addict™ Rehab Clinic Playset Today!”
Current enjoy levels: Riding a wave of zombie-induced euphoria.

Chapter 20: “The Other One Where It Gets Better”
Current enjoy levels: Hmm. It seems the ones where it’s supposed to ‘get good’ are actually preceded by good chapter endings, instead of being good themselves.

Chapter 21: “Fifty Shades of Vore”
Current enjoy levels: I’m planning out a side story. ._. What the hell is wrong with me?

Chapter 22: “Never Follow the Plot When There’s Shit to Explore”
Current enjoy levels: Totalslava

Chapter 23: “Dog Jesus Died for Your Lewts”
Current enjoy levels: Steelhooves is best pony

Chapter 24: “Jesuslestia and Jesusluna Died for Your Feels”
Current enjoy levels: So I found a plot hole, a little bigger than the zebra one, but after an impromptu trip to Toys R Us for blind bags, I’ve kind of forgotten what it was. D: Also a lot of my other commentary, sorry. :/

Chapter 25: “A Stupid, Stupid Plan”
Current enjoy levels: Still an enjoy!

Chapter 26: “SUPER ZEBRA PIT FIGHTER II TURBO XTREEEEEEEM!!!”
Current enjoy levels: Everything is worse with disembodied unicorn head rape. This story can die in a fire. And even if that hadn’t been a factor, this chapter was thoroughly dull and I’m probably going to forever hate Xenith for having her name on it.

Chapter 27: “Whose Bright Idea Was It to Bring the Zebra Again?”
Current enjoy levels: A bit of a bobble, still not recovered from Chapter 26 though.

Chapter 28: “Calamity Finally Gets Some”
Current enjoy levels: Almost recovered from chapter 26. Maybe.

Chapter 29: “I’d Like to Welcome You Back to the “Littlepip Sucks” Show”
Current enjoy levels: Great and Probably Dumb

Chapter 30: “Bad Hellhound, No Biscuit”
Current enjoy levels: I can feel my enthusiasm for this project waning. I can’t even remember what I listened to for the last fifteen minutes.

Chapter 31: “A Totally Serious Treatise on the Horrors of TainPFFFTTTCHH”
Current enjoy levels: I may be back in the game now.

Chapter 32: “Meanwhile, Steelhooves Is Like, ‘Hey Guys, Can I Be in the Story Again? :(‘”
Current enjoy levels: A moderate enjoy, though I fear thing are going to drag on again before we get to the ‘enacting the plan’ and ‘piecing together the last few days’ parts. 😐

Chapter 33: “Adventures in Not Really Doing Anything”
Current enjoy levels: Everything’s better with Steelhooves.

Chapter 34: “Steelhooves Has Rejoined the Party”
Current enjoy level: I’d been hoping, in my plans for an FoE sidestory, to delve into depravities beyond what occurred in the original story. I’m now thinking that’s not actually possible.

Chapter 35: “Operation Shock and Dead”
STREEEET LIGHT POOOONIES OHHHOHHOHHHHHHHAHHHHHAHHHHHHHH!
Current enjoy level: (That was to the tune of Don’t Stop Believin’, if you didn’t get that. :B)

Chapter 36: “Dare You Not to Think of Golden Showers”
Current enjoy levels: Can we please get back to the plot?

Chapter 37: “Fallout Equestria: That’s What She Said”
Current enjoy levels: Back to the enjoy, but that was a lot of movin’ for very little travel.

Chapter 38: “Bull Freaking Horse Shit”
Current enjoy levels: Very enjoy!

Chapter 39: “Full Grimdark Consequences”
Current enjoy levels: Well, best pony is dead. Everything sucks.

Chapter 40: “Hooked on Radiation”
Current enjoy levels: Mluh.

Chapter 41: “Spike Gets Picked Last for Kickball”
Current enjoy levels: Yeah, I’m ready for this story to be over.

Chapter 42: “Fight Scenes! Huh! What Are They Good For?”
Current enjoy levels: This chapter is not the answer to anything.

Chapter 43: “Littlepip’s Interesting Day”
Current enjoy levels: On reflection, this chapter was actually way more shit than I think it was. The monologuing climax scene really makes up for a lot, seriously. But why is there more than one chapter left?

Chapter 44: “One Big Sex Joke”
Current enjoy levels: Honestly, this has been one of the best chapters of the entire thing. TIME FOR THE FINALE

Chapter 45: “Game Over”
Current enjoy levels: That was kind of a shitty final chapter. Thank god there’s an epilogue.

Epilogue: “More Horse Words”
Current enjoy levels: That was a good epilogue. ONE MORE

Afterword: “Because Reasons”
Current enjoy levels: Now that was a good ending. 🙂

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4 Comments

Posted by on August 11, 2014 in Ponies

 

4 responses to “Random event: Fallout Equestria sillyness

  1. inquisitormence

    August 11, 2014 at 8:55 am

    An afterword? Huh…

     
    • Present Perfect

      August 11, 2014 at 5:36 pm

      If I’m not mistaken, the afterword is about Fluttershy, which made it not suck.

      My hat is off to Griffin for compiling the enjoy levels as well. 😀 That really adds a lot to this.

       
      • Griffin

        August 11, 2014 at 8:55 pm

        It’s something I thought about doing when I read through all of your posts back to back a while ago, and you did the abridged version of the story that was just the first word of each chapter. Thought that doing just your enjoy levels of each chapter as the abridged review would be amusing. Even just skimming it to grab these this time was funny. Those posts you did that were sort of as you read along often were very amusing. Seeing how your enjoyment and dislike whiplashed back and forth all over the place.

         
      • inquisitormence

        August 12, 2014 at 4:43 am

        Oh, I was thinking that was the epilogue.

        And yeah, it was better because Fluttershy 🙂

         

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