Today’s fanfic review post has been pushed to tomorrow to make room for this silly and probably pointless bit of amusement. Do you want to know about Fallout: Equestria, but don’t want to read three-quarters of a million words? Look no further. Here, in a single post, is everything you need to understand the beginning of one of the major sub-genres of pony fan fiction.
And now PresentPerfect presents, Fallout: Equestria, the Abridged Version:
Grey. Nothingness! Daylight. Stupid! Alive! “Hello!” Her! Blood. Clouds. Fireworks. “Gone.” Breakfast. Home. Explosions! Rest. Manehattan. Answers. Hope. Addiction. Failure. Dragon! Industry. “Curiosity.” Death. Alone. Zebras. Family. Rage. “Fuck.” Virtues. Memory. “Well?” Rain. Darkness. “Heroes…” BLAM! Finally! Enough. Souls. Loss. Madness. “You.” “…Rocks.” Faith. Sacrifice.
And now, as a follow-up, PresentPerfect’s review of it, the abridged version:
Introduction: “And Then Kkat Said ‘Friendship Is Grimdark, Bitches’ and Half a Million Words Happened in Her Horn”
Prologue: “In Case You Forgot This Was Based on a Video Game”
Chapter 1: “I’m the Only Raging Lesbian in Stable 2… Wait, No, Nevermind”
Enjoy level: “Laughing at you, not with you.”
Chapter 2: “Welcome to EquestriSHITSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHITSHIT”
Current enjoy level: Watching a Michael Bay film.
Chapter 3: “DO YOU EVEN WATCH THE SHOW?”
Current enjoy level: Zombie Derpy, wtf?
Chapter 4: “No, Seriously, That Was Fucking Zombie Derpy in the Last Chapter. What in the Actual Fuck?”
Current enjoy levels: Definite enjoy.
Chapter 5: “Welcome to Stable 63!”
Current enjoy level: Definite enjoy despite lack of explosions.
Chapter 6: “Planes, Trains, and Actually Just Trains. And LSD.”
Current enjoy level: Sorry, I can’t hear you over “Raise This Barn”.
Chapter 7: “In Which We Are Reminded of the Plot (Hurr Hurr)”
Current enjoy levels: Send it to the moooooooooonah!
Chapter 8: “In Which Horn Rape Is an Option”
Current enjoy levels: What in the fuck is going on.
Chapter 9: “It was a bludd spring daty & the clouds was up”
Current enjoy level: Mrehhh…
Chapter 10: “No Good Deed Goes Unpunished”
Current enjoy levels: Like being dragged along behind a horse cart.
Chapter 11: “Diamond Tiara’s Final Fuck You… Never. ENDS.”
Current enjoy level: Oh gee, it might be coming back.
Chapter 12: “Boota Boota, Calamity?”
Current enjoy levels: My enjoy for this chapter kinda petered out near the end somehow.
Chapter 13: “It Even Comes With a Garage Where You Can Store All Your Blinged-Out Cars”
Current enjoy level: Ministry of Awesome
Chapter 14: “Just Say HELL FUCKING YES to Drugs”
Current enjoy levels: Liking this for all the wrong reasons.
Chapter 15: “Dude Looks Like a Robot”
Current enjoy levels: So good, I forgot to add this part in, I guess!
Chapter 16: “Last of the Shit Chapters”
Current enjoy level: GEE DO YOU THINK IT MAYBE JUST GOT GOOD?
Chapter 17: “The One Where It Gets Good”
Current enjoy levels: Actually really looking forward to the next chapter, believe it or not.
Chapter 18: “Lesbian Sexual Tension”
Current enjoy levels: Every time it gets good, dumb shit happens.
Chapter 19: “Buy My Little Addict™ Rehab Clinic Playset Today!”
Current enjoy levels: Riding a wave of zombie-induced euphoria.
Chapter 20: “The Other One Where It Gets Better”
Current enjoy levels: Hmm. It seems the ones where it’s supposed to ‘get good’ are actually preceded by good chapter endings, instead of being good themselves.
Chapter 21: “Fifty Shades of Vore”
Current enjoy levels: I’m planning out a side story. ._. What the hell is wrong with me?
Chapter 22: “Never Follow the Plot When There’s Shit to Explore”
Current enjoy levels: Totalslava
Chapter 23: “Dog Jesus Died for Your Lewts”
Current enjoy levels: Steelhooves is best pony
Chapter 24: “Jesuslestia and Jesusluna Died for Your Feels”
Current enjoy levels: So I found a plot hole, a little bigger than the zebra one, but after an impromptu trip to Toys R Us for blind bags, I’ve kind of forgotten what it was. D: Also a lot of my other commentary, sorry.
Chapter 25: “A Stupid, Stupid Plan”
Current enjoy levels: Still an enjoy!
Chapter 26: “SUPER ZEBRA PIT FIGHTER II TURBO XTREEEEEEEM!!!”
Current enjoy levels: Everything is worse with disembodied unicorn head rape. This story can die in a fire. And even if that hadn’t been a factor, this chapter was thoroughly dull and I’m probably going to forever hate Xenith for having her name on it.
Chapter 27: “Whose Bright Idea Was It to Bring the Zebra Again?”
Current enjoy levels: A bit of a bobble, still not recovered from Chapter 26 though.
Chapter 28: “Calamity Finally Gets Some”
Current enjoy levels: Almost recovered from chapter 26. Maybe.
Chapter 29: “I’d Like to Welcome You Back to the “Littlepip Sucks” Show”
Current enjoy levels: Great and Probably Dumb
Chapter 30: “Bad Hellhound, No Biscuit”
Current enjoy levels: I can feel my enthusiasm for this project waning. I can’t even remember what I listened to for the last fifteen minutes.
Chapter 31: “A Totally Serious Treatise on the Horrors of TainPFFFTTTCHH”
Current enjoy levels: I may be back in the game now.
Chapter 32: “Meanwhile, Steelhooves Is Like, ‘Hey Guys, Can I Be in the Story Again? :(‘”
Current enjoy levels: A moderate enjoy, though I fear thing are going to drag on again before we get to the ‘enacting the plan’ and ‘piecing together the last few days’ parts. 😐
Chapter 33: “Adventures in Not Really Doing Anything”
Current enjoy levels: Everything’s better with Steelhooves.
Chapter 34: “Steelhooves Has Rejoined the Party”
Current enjoy level: I’d been hoping, in my plans for an FoE sidestory, to delve into depravities beyond what occurred in the original story. I’m now thinking that’s not actually possible.
Chapter 35: “Operation Shock and Dead”
STREEEET LIGHT POOOONIES OHHHOHHOHHHHHHHAHHHHHAHHHHHHHH!
Current enjoy level: (That was to the tune of Don’t Stop Believin’, if you didn’t get that. :B)
Chapter 36: “Dare You Not to Think of Golden Showers”
Current enjoy levels: Can we please get back to the plot?
Chapter 37: “Fallout Equestria: That’s What She Said”
Current enjoy levels: Back to the enjoy, but that was a lot of movin’ for very little travel.
Chapter 38: “Bull Freaking Horse Shit”
Current enjoy levels: Very enjoy!
Chapter 39: “Full Grimdark Consequences”
Current enjoy levels: Well, best pony is dead. Everything sucks.
Chapter 40: “Hooked on Radiation”
Current enjoy levels: Mluh.
Chapter 41: “Spike Gets Picked Last for Kickball”
Current enjoy levels: Yeah, I’m ready for this story to be over.
Chapter 42: “Fight Scenes! Huh! What Are They Good For?”
Current enjoy levels: This chapter is not the answer to anything.
Chapter 43: “Littlepip’s Interesting Day”
Current enjoy levels: On reflection, this chapter was actually way more shit than I think it was. The monologuing climax scene really makes up for a lot, seriously. But why is there more than one chapter left?
Chapter 44: “One Big Sex Joke”
Current enjoy levels: Honestly, this has been one of the best chapters of the entire thing. TIME FOR THE FINALE
Chapter 45: “Game Over”
Current enjoy levels: That was kind of a shitty final chapter. Thank god there’s an epilogue.
Epilogue: “More Horse Words”
Current enjoy levels: That was a good epilogue. ONE MORE
Afterword: “Because Reasons”
Current enjoy levels: Now that was a good ending. 🙂