For some reason I wait longer to read the darker or sad fan fiction stories. Which leads to having a whole backlog of depressing and/or sad stuff to read in a row sometimes. Which doesn’t actually have anything to do with the stories below. Just looking at what I’ve got left in my ‘downloaded to read’ list on my kindle and it’s all not-so-funny stuff.
Damn it, Twilight, I love you! by Sam Cole
This one was nice. Pretty close to what I imagine trying to romance Twilight Sparkle would be like. Also plenty of humor, both subtle and not. Highly recommended as one of the better romantic comedies I’ve read.
Every Mare Needs Her Stallion by InquisitorM
This story is a good one, as far as I can tell. I just feel like I’m missing a big part of it. Normally I really enjoy stories that don’t explain much. One of my favorite stories of all time The Quantum Thief I enjoy because it doesn’t have any exposition at all, forcing the reader to figure out complicated stuff on their own and keep up with the story at the same time. This one, for some reason, just slipped right past me. Nothing in the story is directly, everything is abstract and implied, sometimes at two removes. I really enjoyed another story by this author (Movements of Fire and Shadow) and it had a lot in common with this one, at least on the being indirect about things. At least I remember it that way. I really liked that one and this one just made me confused. Not sure why. Anyway, even through that confusion I can appreciate that the story seems well-written. The characterizations of Rarity and Fluttershy both turned out good.
Ah’m Not Infected by MoltenXKid
Fluffy, silly, and lots of fun. A ‘every mare wants Big Mac’ story. Not much else to it, but it’s fun with pretty good writing. Call it a cotton candy story.
The Mystery of her Beautiful Night by Ponysopher
First second-person perspective I’ve ever read, as far as I know. Not bad, but I still think there must be a better way to handle this sort of thing. Still, pretty good. I suspect this was a ideal story to have as my first dipped toe into the second-person perspective genre(?). Good enough to interest me in perhaps reading more, but not amazing so that every other one is going to be a disappointment.
MLP: Friendship is Tragic by Ayemel
This gets added to the very short list of stories I didn’t finish. I managed to push just past the halfway point, but at that point the writing was bad enough that I really didn’t want to continue. The quality of writing wasn’t bad the first couple of chapters, but it just gets worse. The plot and characterization was bad right from the start. I don’t believe that any of the mane six would act the ways they act at various points in this story. I’d say this is almost a textbook case of ‘this happens because the plot says so’ storytelling. Things happen, simply because that’s what the author wants to happen. Apparently, Pinkie Pie was the one source of happiness in all of Equestria and the moment she’s not around anymore all of Ponyville crumbles, everyone stops being friends, and despair and poverty hit everywhere. Who knew that the Magic Mystery Cure was understating the effect her absence would do to the town? The story Salvation by Cold in Gardez touches on the same subjects, the mane six drifting apart as they get older and the despair that results, and does it so much better.
Sow The Wind, Reap The Whirlwind by Aragon
Fun story. Horrible, horrible fun. I even re-read Long Story Short just before diving into this one. Probably re-read them both when the third one comes out. This one wasn’t quite as good as the first one. Less hijinks, more physical trauma, actual plot this time instead of a train wreck of a situation. Carrot Top was fun in this one though. Also, I totally see Bon Bon helping a complete stranger. A small child she’s never met before hasn’t had a chance to do anything that might piss her off yet.
However, I can’t wait until one of them is kidnapped. I’m expecting half of Canterlot to go up in flames as the collateral damage to -that- rescue. Or the ultra-major crossover event that is a series of letters from Pony Joe about the six of them causing catastrophic havoc at a park concert by this weird earth pony with a black guitar.
The City of Doors 
Professor Whooves
March 10, 2014 at 11:32 pm
You must have a higher tolerance for sloppy writing than I do, because I found “Damn it, Twilight” nigh-unreadable. The author’s capitalization and punctuation are all over the place. I didn’t make it past the first chapter, but from what I saw, the author does more telling than showing and leans heavily on clichés. This one let me down.
Griffin
March 11, 2014 at 5:31 am
Yeah, these days I don’t really notice sloppy writing all that much. At least as long as I’m enjoying the story. Been trying to consciously work on not being so nit-picky about that sort of thing. I suppose I’m more sensitive to bad plotting and characterization instead of the purely technical bits. Going back and re-reading a bit of that first chapter with a more critical eye shows that the author is a bit of a fan of the comma-heavy run-on sentence. The couple of parts I checked seemed to be okay for capitalization, but given that it was a small sample size that really doesn’t mean much.
inquisitormence
April 26, 2014 at 3:19 am
Yeah, that seems to be the norm for EMNHS. This was a piece of catharsis for me, so I’d gone to even less lengths than usual to make things clear. Even so, I’m a little surprised that quite so few people really got it, and I guess, a little frustrated that I’ve never really been able to ascertain what bits people did or didn’t get—that’s the bit I’d find most interesting.
Still, I’m sure you’ll find The Boy Who Cried Wolf much more to your taste.
Griffin
April 26, 2014 at 4:16 am
That is often the trouble with writing that personal. Sometimes it doesn’t connect with others in the same way it connects to you. Wish I could be more helpful, but I really can’t point to any particular part and say what is missing.
inquisitormence
April 26, 2014 at 5:07 pm
The really interesting thing is that I never have trouble connecting with my ‘in-group’ pre-readers, that is, people I know in real life that give my stories the once over. Now, this isn’t a surprise, but it does reflect that the kind of people I spend any real time with are either open to or skilled at the kind of thinking required to ‘get’ all of the interactions therein.
I explicitly did a test on this (you’ll find Living the Nightmare on my sidebar) over a year ago to see who could glean how what from the story. The best I got from the fandom was somewhere in the 60-70% comprehension mark (obviously I’m abstracting like crazy here) but most was much lower; however, an entirely non-pony friend of mine who’s also done a little counselling and a little philosophy got it absolutely 100% bang on without any hints whatsoever.
Conversely, the Royal Guard rejected Movements of Fire and Shadow out of hand because they didn’t get it. In a world where I wouldn’t want to write any simpler because I’d get bored, it can be a source of great frustration.
Funny thing is, though, Every Mare Needs Her Stallion has more views/likes than anything else I’ve written. I can’t decide if that’s just a reflection of some very solid writing or simply that the title dragged in a bunch of folks desperate for more shipping.
-Scott
P.S. If you know any other authors who write with a similar subtlety, I’d love to know. It’s hard enough to find published authors that have a challenging style, let alone fanfic authors.
Griffin
April 26, 2014 at 8:44 pm
I’d guess that for your in-group pre-readers it is more of a case that they have more experience dealing with your headspace. As in, they know you RL and therefor have practicing with connecting with that particular wavelength. Pity about Movements of Fire and Shadow, I really liked that one.
I’m not sure I’d recommend anyone that writes the same kind of subtly you do. It’s not really something I look for most of the time in stories I read. When my brain misses connecting with a story like I did yours (which is really rare) I hesitate to make recommendations based on that. Hard to recommend based on a empty space of perception after all. Any published authors you already know of that write in what you would consider the same style?